Candy Pieces
by Nicomy43
Summary: Times where finding a piece of candy wasn't the best thing for Ilosovic Stayne...


**Disclaimer: I do not own Alice in Wonderland in anyway.**

**Note: This is a belated birthday gift for the lovely diamond_dog6! Sorry it took so long XD**

**Title: Candy Pieces**

**Pairing: Mostly it's just Stayne but there is a Stalice moment ;)**

**Rating: T for language and such.  
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**Summary:Times where finding a piece of candy wasn't the best thing for Stayne...  
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**Candy Pieces**

To say Ilosovic Stayne liked candy was a grand understatement. To be more precise, he had a sweet tooth that bordered an obsession. Anytime a delectable good caught his sight, he would have to stop whatever it was he was doing just to claim it as his own... Tarts were his favorite, followed chocolates and hard candies such as peppermint. His control was so lacking, though, that a tray of pastries went missing each week, and that when he took his tea, he always had two sugars with it, before discreetly adding a third and shoving another into his mouth.

The Knave simply could not help himself! He seemed to receive the greatest pleasure when such sweetness melted upon his tongue, having his mouth filled with sugary delights. It was almost as good as having an innocent maiden in his bed, he mused before pouting at not being able to do _that _as much as he'd like...

"Women and their bloody ideas," he muttered while stabbing at a piece of lettuce in his empty bedroom. Thankfully, the queen nor anyone else had noticed his weakness, but that didn't stop her from putting Stayne on strict diet and exercise when stating he was getting bit "pudgy."

_"The Knave doesn't get...** pudgy**," _he had replied in a disgusted manner, despite him noticing that his pants were a bit tight today. Tighter than usual, that is. Still the queen's word was law and he had to go along with the insufferable notion. It became apparent, however, that Iracebeth had ordered it so to feed her infatuation of him. Day after day, he caught her spying on him as he went about lifting weights and conquering various obstacle courses. It seemed as if anytime he would break a sweat, she would immediately fan herself before swooning, her wrist pressing against her forehead in a dazed manner. This would have been amusing, even tempting, if it had been any other woman but her, but sadly, it was not which led to many rolls of the eye from him.

This absurdity carried on for weeks before the Knave finally convinced the Red Queen to lift the ban. So what if took a well-placed flex of the arm and a small, subtle show of his rippling muscles to distract her into agreeing? It had still worked, although now he would have to be even more cautious to protect his secret...

Now before I carry on with this tale, let me tell you a little something about Tarrant Hightopp, also known as the Mad Hatter. If you don't know who he is, well then you missed something in Underland that is terribly difficult to simply overlook. Now the reason why I mention him is because he use to have a passion that went in hand with his love for hats and tailoring. During Queen Mirana's time of the court, he very much enjoyed themes. Themed parties, themed costumes, wear and the like! Unfortunately one day, dear Tarrant decided to make a candy-inspired outfit. Oh, yes...

Its fabric was littered with vibrant, sweet colors, a bit of chocolate brown that matched it all quite well while having peppermint-looking buttons trail across its front. It had been a deliciously lovely creation that won him many compliments while wearing it. Now Tarrant, like everyone else, knew nothing about the Knave's secret obsession. Perhaps if he did, he wouldn't have made the blasted thing at all? Well, no matter so let's carry on! Sometime after this outfit had been made, Ilosovic decided to pay a visit to the Mad Hatter so to discuss some issue or another. Tarrant was having quite a bit of trouble that day with his buttons, the rounded, colored pieces constantly falling off for no reason. By the time the Knave had arrived, he was left with only three; two on the upper half of his vest that were concealed by his jacket while the other lay at the very end, residing in his lap while he sat. This didn't keep him from attending to his guest like a good host, as frustrating as the whole matter was!, nor did it stall him from participating in their usual banter-lead arguments.

They were having one now, some absurdity over how tea should be brewed when the Knave slammed his fists on to the tabletop, scattering dishes, cups and silverware before rising from his seat. He was just stalking around the table's edge, his hand nearly dragging its cloth while making some heated comment on water temperature when something in the Mad Hatter's lap caught his eye. The red and white piece of sugary goodness contrasting so vibrantly against the brown pants it laid upon. It beckoned to him as his words failed upon his tongue, coming to a halt as his mouth began to moisten slightly.

_'Oh! Piece of candy!,'_ being his only thought, if it could be called that with its pure senselessness, his hand reaching down to grasp the supposed sweet. The result was inevitable; the stiffening of Tarrant as the Knave groped his now victim crotch, the draining of whatever color still resided on his face as his mouth opened in shock, his eyes turning a horrified black...

The Knave went still as well, finally realizing the indecent act that he had done, and that his preciously desired candy was a sham. Taking a small swallow, he cleared his throat while removing his hand. Both he and Tarrant looked away awkwardly then, neither willing to meet the other's eye as they took the "male approach" to this situation.

"Let's just... _never _speak of this again," stated Stayne, his eye staring down at his now defiled glove, his disgust making him unable to even clench it in grief. They had been his favorite pair, you see... Tarrant could only give a violated nod, his face still holding a horrified expression as he remained within his seat. Stayne gave a nod as well, taking quick steps so to put as much distance between them as possible while getting rid of his gloves.

Later that day, the Knave spotted smoke floating from the Mad Hatter's yard, the burning of the outfit taking place. Never did he see Tarrant wear a themed thing ever again, and never did the Knave find a pair of gloves that fitted him so perfectly...

As you can already tell, this is a dreadful story of lost, misunderstood love. One that continues on to the Knave's eye-rolling annoyance and to our vast enjoyment. Fortunately for him, however, not another incident occurred until Iracebeth ruled Underand years later. It had been a usual day of rounding up rebels and tormenting citizens, while occasionally feeling up an unsuspecting maiden or two.

_'A **very** good day, in fact,' _he silently noted, recalling the feel of a certain brunette's rounded backside as he gave it a pinch, the sound of her delicious squeal still sounding clear in his ears. It was amazing that how they never realized their phantom violator despite his towering height. He wasn't complaining though, enjoying it actually for it meant more opportunities that his hand could revel in. The day became only more sweeter when attending to the throne room, a tray of wrapped candy offered to him where he took a piece of taffy. It was a rare occasion that the Red Queen ever shared her treats. Stayne was just about to take delight in this when he came across some trouble with unwrapping the confection, causing it fumble from his grasp. He didn't pay much attention to where _exactly_ it landed, simply pleased that it was still in its wrapper before bending to pick it up. It was only after his hand was wrapping around it that he realized how close he was to the queen, and how suggestion his current position might be to her...

Looking up at the flirtatious she-devil with a frightened eye, he came to face her heated expression and blushing cheeks. Trying to appear calm, he straightened before placing the now unwrapped sweet into his mouth. A moment passed as he still felt her eyes on him, causing him to peer at her from the corner of his own. She noted his wary glance, taking it as one of appreciation before licking at her lips in a seductive manner. Stayne's mouth curled back in brief disgust, the sugary delight on his tongue turning sour and bitter. With his good mood and treat now soiled, he turned away completely before spitting out the taffy. It clattered silently to the floor, his eye looking at it with apologizing regret. Stayne hoped that this would be his only horror that day, only to be proven wrong a moment later. As the queen was addressing some member of the court, the Knave felt her hand grace his backside. The sudden squeeze of his buttocks and the addition of her scraping nails caused him to jump away in fright. His startled squeal was the center of all gossip for weeks to come...

There was one more moment that was even more embarrassing for the Knave months later. He and a group of guards had been cornering some infamous rebels, you see. Ones that supposedly had evidence that could prove the treachery of the Mad Hatter and his crew. They had nearly captured them all, having some shackled already when the bag of sweets he took to carrying was viciously attacked by a wayward sword. The goods falling to the ground caused him a mild panic as he went to save them, bringing the battle he was in to a stop. The rebels looked at him confusion as did his guards, too baffling was this display that they couldn't help but take advantage of it. The Red Queen's soldiers were too distracted to notice the prisoners escaping until it was too late, the distant sight of their chained, hopping forms being the last evidence of them.

To say the Red Queen was unhappy over this ordeal was understatement which her shouts and angry screams proved. When asked why he allowed the rebels' escape, he simply answered that there was something in his eye. Iracebeth then offered to help remove it, which resulted in her giving him a vicious slap. He had a bruise from her punishment even days later, his cheek too swollen and aching to enjoy a sweet of any kind.

Things after that were positively dull, nearly sending him to the point of banging his head against the wall just to pass the time. That was until a mysterious, young lady made her appearance, one simply known as 'Um'. Oh, _Um..._ So _delightful,_ so _exquisite!_ And oh, so very **_large! _**She was taller than him, at least by a foot, and had light-caramel hair that glistened to the color of honey. Her skin reminded him of sugar cubes, that lovely, pale white that blushed a pretty pink. Oh, the things he would do just to see if she matched their sweetness! It was so different and better compared to the fake, overly powdered faces of royalty.

It nearly broke his heart when discovering that she was Alice, the Champion he had been ordered to capture and destroy. That didn't stop his blood from pumping in excitement as the chase began, his body enjoying the adrenaline and twisted delight when cornering her. He had been giving her his speech of victory then, the expression of helplessness on her face causing him to smirk in arrogance. He was just about to make some needless point when he whispered,

"Oh, piece of candy!"

Stayne silently admits that there had been no candy piece on the ground, simply wanting the chance look up the woman's skirt. Either Um or Alice, she was_ still_ one large lady, and one beautiful thing about large women was how hard it was for them to find a lengthy dress. Ah, the sight of her milky thighs sent him a greater pleasure than ever imagined, but they were not as delightful as the second discovery he had made that day. Turns out that large women not only have trouble in finding a lengthy dress but in a pair of underwear as well...

Seeing his satisfied smirk and what he had been actually doing, Alice let out an angry gasp before smashing her foot upon his head. The resulting imprint left by her shoe had been worth it, he declared while cradling his once more injured, beautiful face. The sounds of her escape feel silent on his ears as he let out a groan, his insufferable guards only being able to watch the eyebrow-raising mayhem yet again. The queen was **_very _**unhappy about all this, her face a vibrant red as she shouted and slapped at him. During all of this, something on the ground caught the Knave's eye. The red and white peppermint laying there almost tauntingly as he was punished.

_'Maybe I don't like candy after all?,'_ he wondered before the queen shouted at him for being distracted. Raising his head, he came to face her foot in mid-kick before his jaw slammed together in pain. He could only lay there and sooth his injury as he contemplated the thing that kept landing him in these situations...

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**Random Author's Note At The End: Hope you enjoyed! ^_^ Also please comment! :D  
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